The following quotes are reportedly from the science exams of 11 year-old students. The list has made the rounds of several internet discussion lists:
- "When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire."
- "H2O is hot water, and C02 is cold water."
- "When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide"
- "Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydorgin is gin and water."
- "Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration."
- "Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire."
- "Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas."
- "The body consists of three parts--The brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five--a, e, i, o, and u."
- "The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects."
- "The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana ."
- "The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to."
- "The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight."
- "A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is."
- "Many women believe that an alcoholic binge will have no ill effects on the unborn fetus, but that is a large misconception."
- Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa .
- Liter: A nest of young puppies.
- Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky.
- Vacumm: A large, empty space where the Pope lives.
- "Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative."
"For fainting: rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor."
- "For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it."
- "To prevent contraception: wear a condominium."
