Selection of Funny Thanksgiving Stories

Turkey Tight End?

A professional NFL team, the Philadelphia Eagles, had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded to be given a chance to play at tight end.
Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line. When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, 'You're superb. Sign up for the season, and I'll see to it that you get a huge bonus.' 'Forget the bonus,' replied the turkey, 'What I want to know is, does your season go past Thanksgiving Day?'
What Your Are Thankful For?
A little girl was told by her teacher to write an essay about why she was thankful, and what she was thankful for on Thanksgiving. Upon reading it, her teacher burst out in laughter. The title: "I'm really glad I'm not a turkey."

Family Together At The Holidays

A man in Tampa calls his daughter Sue in California before Thanksgiving and announces to her that he and his wife are getting a divorce after fifty years of marriage. "What? You can't do that!" exclaimed the daughter. "Yes, we can't stand each other. Irreconcilable differences and all. We really hate even seeing the other. We're glad to be done and I don't want to talk about it. Please let your sister and brother know since I don't want to talk about it any more." The daughter frantically calls her sister and brother, both of whom also explode and vow that their parents won't be getting a divorce now. Sue calls back her father and tells him "There's no way you're getting divorced. We're coming there tomorrow to sort this thing out. Don't do or say anything to mom before we get there." As she hangs up the phone, her father turns to her mother and says, "Okay, they're all coming for Thanksgiving and we don't even have to spend a dime."

Those Ancestors!

The Taylor's were proud of their family tradition. Their ancestors had travelled to America with the Pilgrim Fathers on the Mayflower. They had included Congressmen, successful entrepreneurs, famous sports people and television stars.
They decided to research and write a family history, something for their children and grandchildren. They found a specialist genealogist and writer to help them. Only one problem arose - how to handle Great Uncle Jefferson Taylor who was executed in the electric chair.
The writer said she could handle the story tactfully. When the book appeared the section about Jefferson read:
— Great Uncle Jefferson Taylor occupied a chair of applied electronics at an important government institution, he was attached to his position by the strongest of ties, and his death came as a great shock. Adopted from www.suite101.com

Socializing an Adult or Older Dog with Other Dogs

Dogs in the wild grow up in packs and they are socialized almost from birth. A dog becomes socialized by interacting with other canines and learning their verbal cues and body language. The boundaries in the pack are very clear and each pup learns to understand their elders or get thrown out.

Domestic dogs also begin socialization in their litter and when they come into a human family, socialization with humans begin. The initial socialization period of a dog is four to 12 weeks. It is during this time that social skills are imprinted on them and their interaction with other dogs and humans is, hopefully, positive. The socialization then should continue into adulthood. But many dog owners choose to adopt older dogs who sometimes were not socialized during this time.

When a dog owner brings an adult dog into their home, it's important to find out early on how socialized he is. His initial interaction with you will be telling - is he fearful or aggressive? Does he back away when you approach or send warning signals such as raised hackles? When you take him on walks, is he nervous around different sounds and sights? Does he shy away from people or other dogs? If you see any of these signs, it's likely he was not socialized well in his early days. But there are several things you can do to socialize your adult dog with other dogs and humans.
Socializing an Adult or Older Dog with Other Dogs

Take Your Dog Out to Observe

Go to a dog park but don't go in. Allow your dog to watch the other pups and observe their behavior. Everytime a dog comes near the fence, give your dog a treat. This creates a positive association with other dogs. If your dog reacts aggressively towards the dogs in the park, move further away and slowly move up until he is quiet.

Resist Tugging While Walking

When out walking and another dog comes into view, resist jerking on the lead and yelling at your dog. This reinforces seeing other dogs as a negative experience. Instead, distract your dog with a treat or toy, use the command "Watch me!" and praise him when he pays attention to you.

Go to Obedience Class

This is a great way to help socialize an adult dog before attempting going into dog parks or having playdates. Because your dog is learning commands, he is distracted most of the time. Speak to your trainer about the issue and she can help you introduce your dog slowly to other dogs in the class. This is also a safe place for your dog to learn to interact with other humans.

Socializing an Adult Dog with Humans

The first step is to socialize your dog with your family. This is best done slowly and patience is a virtue here. Dogs and humans speak a different language so you'll both be learning how to communicate.

Ignore Your Dog

When your dog runs to hide from you, don't go after him and pull him from under the bed. Ignore him and do something that will persuade him to come out like playing with his toys or frying up some bacon. Dogs are curious and social creatures and they'll eventually become bored and lonely by themselves. Reward him with a bit of that bacon when he comes out.

Be Casual

It's sort of like when your teenager comes down the stairs with an enormous pimple on her forehead. You don't mention it and act as if there's nothing wrong. By acting as if your dog's behavior is no big deal, you're creating a calmer environment and, thus, a calmer dog. So when he streaks under your legs because the postman is at the door, go on about your business as usual.

Introduce People Slowly

Only add one person a week at the most into your dog's life. When they meet your dog, have them offer a treat and speak in a happy, low, encouraging voice. You don't want to use a high pitch which could excite him. Keep your dog on a leash at first but do not force him to go near the person. Let him take his time.

The main thing to remember when socializing an adult dog is to be positive and to make each new experience a good one with praise and treats. Corrections do not work well here and will likely will create a more nervous dog. In time, your new companion will become at ease at home and in public and will truly be a member of the family. Adopted From

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Recipe Of The Month - Pumpkin Crisp

This is a great dessert to have in the fall or to take to your family get together this holiday season.

• 1 16 oz. can of plain pumpkin
• 3 eggs
• 1 15 oz. can of condensed milk
• 1/2 cup brown sugar
• 4 tsp. pumpkin pie spice
• 1 cake mix (yellow or lemon)
• 1 cup chopped pecans (or walnuts)
• 2 sticks (1/2 pound) melted butter

Directions:Mix pumpkin, eggs, condensed milk, sugar and pumpkin pie spice until smooth.Pour into a greased 9 x 13 pan. (I use a glass pan.)Sprinkle dry cake mix over the pumpkin mixture.
Sprinkle nuts on top.
Drizzle butter over nuts.
Bake in a preheated 350 degree oven for approximately one hour. And, be sure to have some Cool Whip or ice cream on hand to go along with it.
(I have had people tell me that they do not like pumpkin pie, but they really like this dessert. So, don’t be surprised if you get rave reviews!)

Healthy Foods - Power Couples

Whoever coined the phrase "the whole is greater than the sum of its parts" might as well have been talking about the nutritional potential of food. "When we eat certain foods together, their components work in sync—they produce health-promoting results that far outweigh what you'd get from eating either food alone," says Elaine Magee, R.D., author of Food Synergy. To get the most punch from your plate, try these dynamic duos.

Chickpeas + Red Peppers MORE ENERGY One out of five women doesn't get enough energy-boosting iron. But eating more iron-rich food won't do much if your body can't process it. "The kind of iron that comes from plant foods is difficult for our bodies to absorb," says Heather Mangieri, R.D., owner of Nutrition CheckUp in Pittsburgh. So all that iron from beans like chickpeas goes to waste? Not if you add some delish red peppers. The vitamin C in the scarlet veggie acts as a key and unlocks plant-based iron so your blood cells can get to it. Simply toss in roasted red pepper when making homemade hummus (or use red pepper as your primary dipping vehicle), and top salads with red peppers and chickpeas. 25 Superfoods for your body.

Spinach + Avocados BETTER VISION Spinach is packed with lutein and vitamin A, which are both amazing eye protectors. Avocado not only supplies even more lutein and A but also delivers the healthy fats your body needs to soak up these nutrients, says Hope Barkoukis, Ph.D., R.D., an associate professor of nutrition at Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland. So top quesadillas and tacos with spinach instead of shredded iceberg, and then add the guac. Or mix up a spinach salad with avocado dressing (puree chunks of avocado with lemon juice, olive oil, and your favorite seasonings—even a simple combo like garlic, salt, and pepper).

Broccoli + Eggs LESS PMS If you suffer from a major case of the crankies every month, relief could be as easy as a trip to certain supermarket aisles. An Archives of Internal Medicine study found that women who downed the most calcium and vitamin D were 30 to 40 percent less likely to suffer from PMS crabbiness. Two foods to reach for? Broccoli and eggs. Broccoli boasts one of the most easily absorbed forms of calcium found in food, while eggs are one of nature's best sources of vitamin D. Pair up these two foods in a broccoli frittata or an omelet.

Tomatoes + Olive Oil SMOOTHER SKIN Lycopene, a powerful antioxidant found mostly in tomatoes, can help prevent sun damage. But for supple skin, don't eat them plain. First coat them in olive oil, says Mangieri. The healthy fats in this Mediterranean staple allow lycopene to be better absorbed by your body. And olive oil has its own skin-saving secrets. A study published in The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition found that people who take in more olive oil are less likely to have wrinkles, possibly because it protects against the oxidative stress that causes skin to age. These two foods were destined to be eaten together in Italian dishes such as bruschetta or Caprese salad. Get even more of a beauty bang by slow-roasting plum tomatoes in olive oil at 225°F for three hours. (Heating helps release more lycopene.) 10 Healthy things you can do with a tomato.

Yogurt + Ground Flaxseed BETTER DIGESTION Your gut is home to more than 400 kinds of bacteria, some friendly, others not so much. When the bad bugs outnumber the good ones, things slow down digestively and your bowels become, er, sluggish. Yogurts that are specially designed for digestive health can help by providing probiotics, good-for-you bacteria that get things moving again. But you can't just eat those buggers and forget about them. Probiotics need to feed on prebiotics—specialized fibers found in foods like flaxseed—to survive and thrive. When you eat them together, you restore and then maintain the healthy balance in your belly. It doesn't get any easier than this: Sprinkle a tablespoon of ground flaxseed onto your probiotic yogurt. To dress it up, make a fruit and yogurt parfait with flaxseed granola to add some crunch.

Oatmeal + Apples A HEALTHIER HEART Oatmeal houses two superstar ingredients that help protect your ticker: beta-glucan, a cholesterol-lowering fiber, and avenanthramides, compounds that shield LDL cholesterol from harmful free radicals. Pump up your breakfast bowl's heart-health quotient even more by tossing in a chopped apple. (Keep the skin on—that's where all the nutrients live.) Apples are filled with flavonoids, major-league antioxidants that also zap free radicals and take on inflammation to boot. Saute slices in a touch of butter and ground cinnamon, then chop and mix into your hot cereal. 5 Steps to a healthier heart.

Chicken + Sweet Potatoes A STRONGER IMMUNE SYSTEM It's hard to find a food that packs more infection-fighting vitamin A than sweet potatoes. But getting A without enough zinc—found in meats like chicken, beef, and pork—is like trying to start a fire without a match. "You need zinc to metabolize and carry vitamin A throughout your body," explains Barkoukis. "You won't be able to use that A if you don't have enough zinc to get it where it needs to go." So microwave a sweet tater and top it with some precooked chicken and cheese, serve up sweet potato fries (baked, of course) as a side with roast chicken, or seek out chicken and sweet potato soup recipes.

Pasta + Balsamic Vinegar A TRIMMER TUMMY When you down some pasta, are you hungry a few hours later? Try tossing it with some vinegar. "Vinegar's acetic acid slows down how quickly you digest and absorb glucose from starchy foods, so your blood sugar rises and falls more gradually," says Carol Johnston, Ph.D., R.D., director of the nutrition program at the College of Nursing and Health Innovation at Arizona State University in Phoenix. "That helps control hunger, so you're less likely to overeat later." Adding two tablespoons of vinegar to a starchy dish can slash postmeal blood-sugar surges by 20 percent, according to a study at Arizona State. Toss whole-wheat pasta with olive oil and balsamic, or shake up your pasta salad by experimenting with flavored vinegars.

Green Tea + Lemon Juice CANCER PROTECTION Green tea is a primo source of cancer-fighting catechins. But while these nutrients may be tough on cancer cells, they're total wimps in your stomach— only 20 percent survive the digestive process and make it out to your body to do it any good. A Purdue University study found that squeezing lemon juice into your green brew toughens up catechins, boosting the number you digest up to 13 times. For even more cancer protection, stir in sugar (a teaspoon contains only 16 calories). The sweet stuff morphs catechins into a form that's three times easier to absorb. Adopted From http://health.yahoo.net/

Vitamins For The Mind! - Fear!

“It has knocked me sideways. I am struggling with unemployment. What do you recommend? ‘Cause I need to change!” asked Greg This question came in from a Success 2.0 Webcast.

Greg, first, you have to understand it, and separate the good kind from the bad. A little bit of it is good, because it gets you focused and, hopefully, moving in the right direction! You can’t let it grow or consume you though. Your answer to that “fear” in your heart should be an action plan followed up by action. This transforms the fear into motivation. You are now motivated to take action because you have a good plan, and you don’t like the consequences of doing nothing.

The second part of FEAR is where we all get in trouble. FEAR is really False Evidence Appearing Real. In other words, we allow our mind to play the “what if” game and we start to focus on all of the things that could go wrong. This ends up paralyzing you and robs you of your energy and creativity. This is why having an action plan and then acting on it is so critical. When you start to doubt or worry, you need to literally tell yourself “Stop! I have a plan, and I am working 100% to get it done, and that is all I can do.”

Also, remember that Fear and Faith are close cousins. They both believe that something is going to happen in the future, one Bad, and one Good. When you have your action plan in place, and you are working it, you then need to transform your thought life from one of fear to one of faith. Adopted From http://www.ziglar.com/

Holiday Shopping on a Budget

The holiday shopping season is almost here, and the Federal Trade Commission (FTC), the nation’s consumer protection agency, wants to help you get ready. Whether you’re shopping at the mall, online, or by phone or mail, our tips can help you shop smart and stay on budget.

• Make a list and set a budget. List the people you plan to buy gifts for, the type of gifts you plan to buy, and how much you plan to spend. Include the cost of cash gifts, holiday travel, extra food, wrappings, decorations, greeting cards, and postage. If it relates to the holiday season and it costs money, add it to your budget.


• Shop around. A “sale” price isn’t always the “best” price. Some merchants may offer a sale price on the item you want for a limited time; other merchants may offer items at a discount everyday.


• Look for price-matching policies. Some merchants will match, or even beat, a competitor’s prices.


• Go online. Check out websites that compare prices. If you decide to buy from an online merchant, keep shipping costs and delivery time in mind.
  Carefully consider bargain offers that are based on purchases of additional merchandise. For example, “Buy One, Get One Free” or “Free Gift with Purchase.” If you don’t really want or need the item, it’s not a deal.


• Clip coupons. Coupons are useful when they save you money on what you’re already planning to buy. Check coupons for any restrictions. For example, do expiration dates apply, or do you have to spend a certain amount before you can use the coupon? Some retailers will accept expired coupons, and even coupons from their competitors. Check with the retailer before you leave home to learn their policy.


• Ask about sale adjustments. If you buy an item at regular price and it goes on sale the next week, can you get a credit or refund for the discounted amount?


• Consider layaway. Layaway purchase plans are designed for people who want to buy merchandise without using credit or paying the full price immediately. When you use layaway, you typically make a deposit – usually a percentage of the purchase price – and pay over time until you have paid for the item in full. In exchange, the retailer holds the merchandise for you. To avoid problems, get the store’s layaway policy in writing.


• Keep an eye on your wallet. Don’t flash cash. Keep an eye on your credit or debit card during transactions, and get them back as quickly as possible. If your cards are lost or stolen, report the loss or theft immediately to the card issuers.


• Use credit and debit cards with care. Save your receipts. You need them for returns and exchanges. Check credit and debit card sales and return receipts against your monthly bills and statements, and report any problems to the credit card issuer promptly.


• Ask about refund and return policies. Many merchants may have different refund and return policies for sale items. For example, clearance merchandise may be on final sale, meaning no refunds or exchanges.


• Keep good records. Whether you’re ordering by mail, phone, or online, it’s important to keep detailed information about the transaction, including your order number, shipping costs and dates, warranties, and refund and return policies.


• Ship early. If you’re sending gifts to out-of-towners, factor in extra time for shipping. If you wait until the last minute, you may pay a hefty price for express or overnight shipping. Adopted From www.ftc.gov

Thanksgiving Word Search

How to Avoid Winter Weight Gain

The temptation to overeat during the holiday season is strong, thanks to goodies at the office, cookie-baking at home, and traditional meals with all the trimmings. "The holidays can be a hard time for people who are trying to lose weight and eat healthily," says Boston-based nutritionist Carolyn Hintlian, MPH, RD, LDN. "It can also be a very emotional time of year, and this can trigger increased eating." However, with the right holiday eating strategy, it's possible to make it through family feasts and parties without gaining weight.

Simple Ways to Fight Holiday Weight Gain
— Be realistic. Don't try to lose weight over the holidays. "I advise my clients to focus on maintaining your weight, rather than losing weight, during this time of year. You don't want to feel deprived. Instead, look for ways to eat smart and in moderation," Hintlian says.
— How to enjoy Thanksgiving dinner without guilt? "Eat small servings of foods you do like, and pass on the ones that don't really appeal to you," Hintlian advises. After dinner, do something active, like taking a walk, to work off the caloric damage.

More Ways to Curb Winter Weight Gain
— Plan ahead to avoid food temptations at the office. "It's easy to gain weight just from eating the extra calories from treats in the office," Hintlian notes. "Keep healthy snacks available to help you avoid temptation, like walnuts, almonds, or soy nuts.
— When it's cold outside, it feels good to warm our insides. "Try soup, such as pasta and beans, and add winter vegetables," Hintlian says. "Start your day with a high fiber cereal, like oatmeal. Add a sprinkle of walnuts for added protein."
— Try to work in some exercise. "Maintain some kind of physical activity, like walking," Hintlian says. An added benefit: "Taking time to exercise relieves holiday stress and helps burn extra calories from holiday eating," she adds.

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Ask Mike A Mortgage Question: Mortgage Rates Return to Record Low Territory

RISMEDIA, November 9, 2010–Mortgage rates revisited record lows this week, with the average rate on the benchmark conforming 30-year fixed mortgage rate returning to 4.42 percent, according to www.bankrate.com’s weekly national survey. The average 30-year fixed mortgage has an average of 0.37 discount and origination points.

The average 15-year fixed mortgage hit a new low of 3.81 percent, and the larger jumbo 30-year fixed rate did as well, sinking to 5.04 percent. Adjustable rate mortgages were mostly lower, with the average 5-year ARM falling to 3.57 percent and the average 7-year ARM retreating to 3.87 percent.

Mortgage rates fell back into record low territory this week. The Federal Reserve has announced another injection of $600 billion over the next 8 months, but it remains to be seen if this is enough to push Treasury yields and mortgage rates lower, and if so, by how much. Even if the Fed is successful in pushing rates lower, it doesn’t alter the fact that many would-be borrowers are upside-down, living on a reduced income, or concerned about a lack of job security.

The last time mortgage rates were above 6 percent was Nov. 2008. At that time, the average rate was 6.33 percent, meaning a $200,000 loan would have carried a monthly payment of $1,241.86. With the average rate now 4.42 percent, the monthly payment for the same size loan would be $1,003.89, a savings of $238 per month for a homeowner refinancing now.

SURVEY RESULTS
— 30-year fixed: 4.42% — down from 4.51% last week (avg. points: 0.37)
— 15-year fixed: 3.81% — down from 3.90% last week (avg. points: 0.28)
— 5/1 ARM: 3.57% — down from 3.67% last week (avg. points: 0.34)

Bankrate’s national weekly mortgage survey is conducted each Wednesday from data provided by the top 10 banks and thrifts in the top 10 markets. Adopted From /southsidehousingalliance.com

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Indy Events

• Drumstick Dash Fundraising Event in Broad Ripple. November 25, 2010, 9:00 AM.A 4.5 mile run/walk and 2.5 mile short course. Proceeds benefit Wheeler Mission. $25 until Nov. 22, then $30. Call 317-635-3575.


• St. Nikolaus 5K Lauf at The Athenaeum.December 4, 2010, 9:30 AM. A 5K run and walk for Riley Children's Hospital and other area charities, co-sponsored by the Athenaeum Foundation and the Indiana German Heritage Society. $23 with shirt ($20 no shirt). Call 317-655-2755.


• Franklin's 'Hometown Holiday' in Johnson County. Saturday, December 4, 2010, 8:00 AM. An all-day event featuring choral performances, carriage rides, courthouse tree lighting, 'Elves with Bells' Kids Run, Santa at the museum, holiday lighting parade, and more. Info: See Web site below or call 317-736-3602.