Many people seem to have a misunderstanding
about what it really means to forgive someone for a wrong done to them. This
article will explore a little bit about what forgiveness is and the reasons why
forgiveness is important.
The first thing
that needs to be pointed out is the most important part about forgiveness -
that forgiveness is NOT a gift you give
to another, but rather something you do inside of yourself, for yourself. The
other person need never know. You can choose to extend forgiveness to the other
person, if that is your choice, but it is not necessary in order to forgive
inside of yourself and heal the pain you carry for a wrong another has done to
you or that has affected you.
Forgiveness
doesn't mean reconciliation - nor does it mean you have to allow a behavior
that can hurt you to continue to hurt you. Forgiveness is, in essence, the
acknowledgment inside of yourself that the person who has wronged you in some
way is a fallible human being - and that, like a human being, they made a
mistake worthy of your forgiveness.
Everyone
deserves forgiveness inside of themselves, because to hold on to old wounds
defeats you as a person. It closes off a part of your heart and self that you
cannot give to anyone else as long as you hang on to the anger and bitterness
that remains in you when you do not forgive. However, I do not believe the
other party who has wronged you always deserves that forgiveness to be extended
to them. And many times, they do not deserve reconciliation. Forgiveness IS a
choice - you have to choose to forgive and let go of the pain.
Reconciliation
and forgiveness are two separate things - they are not mutually exclusive.
Forgiving someone does not mean you have to reconcile with that person. If the
other person has wronged you so severely that you simply could not trust to
allow this person in your life in any capacity - reconciliation is not
possible, but forgiveness is.
Forgiving
doesn't mean opening yourself back up to be hurt again. Forgiving doesn't mean
allowing the other person's behavior to continue.
Forgiveness sets
you free. Forgiveness lets you remove the pain you carry inside of you that you
feel was done by another's wrongdoing.
The other person need not admit the wrongdoing. The other person need not make
amends. The other person need not do anything. Forgiveness is something done
inside of yourself, to release you from the pain of the wrongdoing.
Forgiveness
means letting go of the pain inside of you, while still allowing you to seek
justice served morally or legally. Life moves forward without the weight that
holding on to a lost cause brings.
Remember,
forgiveness is not a gift you give another, but something you do inside of
yourself - for yourself. When you look at it this way, forgiveness is possible
in any situation, once you are ready to release the pain of the wrongdoing and
move on with your life.
